This is the funniest Mommy War I’ve seen to date: “Real” homeschool moms against “Schools are closed” homeschool moms. It’s sad-funny, non funny-funny. Here’s a simple test to determine if you are a real homeschool mom:
Question 1: Are your kids at home because their school buildings are closed?
If you answered Yes to Question 1, Congratulations! You are a homeschooling mom.
- I’ve homeschooled my kids for 10 years (or 16 years, the age of my older kiddo, if you count life as school, which I do).
- Maybe you’ve homeschooled your kids for 10 days.
- We are all in the same boat now (same boat meaning we all get our kids 24/7, not a literal boat because OH MY GOSH yes, I understand we can’t literally all get on the same boat right now, Millennial Millie. You understand you shouldn’t literally use “literally” in every sentence, right, Millennial Millie? Also, everything is not “So, so important.” Just so you know.)
Here are a few tips from an experienced homeschooling mom I hope will help you.
1. Trust your gut.
There are very few people whose advice you should take, and they all fit into one category:
People you personally trust who are over the age of 60—and who do not watch The View.
That’s a pretty small pool of people so you might find that you are completely on your own for this, and that’s OK, because You Are The Mom, and nobody else’s ideas are better than yours.
You don’t have to listen to your kids’ teachers, or your friends—and definitely not your Facebook friends—or memes, or your neighbor (unless she is someone you trust and is over the age of 60 and does not watch The View). You probably won’t even have the option of listening to your husband’s advice, because dads generally don’t put a lot of research hours into the whole kid thing; they basically rely on moms to steer that ship.
2. If it hurts, don’t do it.
This is good advice in general, and you should take it, even though I’m only 44 (but at least I don’t watch The View). This is how it applies to homeschooling:
Your children’s school has probably told you you have to start doing some form of online school this week. The first stage of the lockdown may have felt like your family was fast-forwarded into the first 2 weeks of summer vacation—that settling-in period between Last Day of School and First Day of Family Vacation when you let the kids watch too much TV and let them slide on chores and finally, after 11 days of that—but, thanks to the coronavirus lockdown, with no playdates or Target runs or date nights to break up the monotony—you finally hit your sloth threshold and yell that everyone better get off their behinds and clean up after themselves already…even though you’re really yelling at yourself because you created this monster by feeding it Flamin’ Hot Cheetos on the microfiber couch.
So this week, your kids have had a taste of School’s Out freedom, and now it’s being yanked away because the school figured out how to use Zoom. You may very well want your kids to learn something while they’re not in school. Maybe you’re afraid they’ll fall behind their friends, a fear exacerbated when Sophie’s Mom posted a picture of Sophie’s completed 144-page packet that the 3rd grade teacher emailed the class 3 days ago. What Sophie’s Mom neglected to mention is that A. Sophie’s Mom had to buy a new printer and paid $12 for a ream of copy paper so she could print off that ridiculous packet. B. Sophie has thrown at least 14 fits per page. C. Sophie’s Mom was in a Race To The Top to win First Facebook Mom With Brilliant Kids and gave Sophie most of the answers. D. Sophie’s Mom used her photo app to take the red out of Sophie’s eyes for the posted picture. E. Sophie’s Mom is a one-upping narcissist of the highest degree. Unfriend her.
If your kids don’t like the online school, don’t make them do it. The school can suck it. If your schools have been closed down by your governor, schools are clearly non-essential.
Real education doesn’t hurt.
You know your kids—what is their favorite thing to do? Do a lot of that. Assuming, of course, that their favorite thing to do is not eat Flamin’ Hot Cheetos on your microfiber couch while binge-watching Amazing World of Gumball.
3. Enjoy your kids!
Stop looking up “how to keep the kids quiet while I try to work from home” and “10 ways to secretly poison Sophie’s Mom at the next bake sale” on Pinterest.
You may have a Pinned a list of “30 crafts you can do with common household items you don’t actually have in the house and aren’t about to pay dearly for on Amazon.” Print it out, turn it over, and use the scratch paper to play Hangman with your kids.
Challenge yourself not to post a single “My kids are driving me to drink” meme or “Proud Mama Moment: When your 10-year-old gets a 5 on the AP US History practice test” status (tagging Sophie’s Mom, of course). Delete the ones you already posted.
Take all that time you’re spending on Facebook and Pinterest and use it for face time with your kids. That’s looking at your kids’ actual faces in real life, not using FaceTime to call them from your room where you’re hiding in your new “home office” AKA Mom’s Tiki Tavern to tell them to stop eating Flamin’ Hot Cheetos on the microfiber couch.
Your kids are a gift. This extra time with them at home is a gift. Don’t shove that gift in front of a screen and expect it to open itself.
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Read all posts in this series: Advice from a frugal mom during coronavirus
Related: When Should Kids Wash Their Hands? 10 Handwashing Tips for Kids in the Kitchen!
Read all Homeschool posts on All Day Mom here.
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